Friday, October 19, 2007

Halo 3: Protips!

I couldn't resist the hype - nor the opportunity to finally put my 9.95 a month subscription to XBLOX Live to good use.
Yes, I bought Halo 3. And damned if it weren't the best purchase I've made in - say - a week.
So, in a selfless act of community service, I have been playing this gold brick of a game in order to provide you, my dear readers, the best tips and tactics.
Feel free to copy these down.
Protip #1: Avoid using the headset around the girlfriend. This is key. Doing so will save you from having to explain to your girlfriend why you suddenly yelled out 'cock-cucking camo duel wielding asshat' at your TV. It will also prevent you from having to explain to your teammate why you felt it necessary to tell the entire gameroom that 'you'll totally switch it over to Grey's Anatomy after this round, sweetie.'
Protip #2: Killing your own team is ok in certain situations. If your teammate is a 9 year old cursing sack of crap: ok. If your teammate continually (and seriously) uses the word 'Pwnd' or 'LOL NOOB': ok. If your teammate feels it necessary to sign and/or play their hard core rap over the mic: doubly ok.

Protip #3: Aim for the head. Guns and swords do not work on the floor, nor is are they very effective when utlized whilst running and jumping like a gigantic pansy at the first sign of trouble.

Protip #4: Go for the Easy Kill: Become the MVP of any team by shadowing other (better) players, letting them take the hits and then swooping in at the last minute to take the glory. Your teammates will praise your last-minute abilities and generously hand over their hard earned kills. As a sub-protip, make sure to immediately exit the game lounge after the game as to avoid talks of your complete douchbagery.

Protip #5: Avoid Intimidation: Yes - there will be children 1/3 your age who will dominate you at every turn. There will also be man-children/potheads who are much older than you who will do the same. Do not be intimidated. Instead, realize that while being amazing at an online video-game is definiately something to be proud of, so too is having sex with real women and holding down a full time job. Arguably.

Protip #6: Have fun. This isn't your job at Roger's Video during University - this is a game. As such, you really don't need to follow the orders of people half your age. Want to hop in a vehicle and tear it up? Do it. Want to jump up and down in circles in order to confuse the enemy? Do it. Don't want to sit on some goddamn rock with a pistol because some yankee jerkoff said that'd be your best placement? Don't. You get the drill. Don't pay 60 bucks just to treat it like a job.

Until next time - happy hunting and if you happen to see a MattoMcFly coming in your direction - Prepare to be pwnd, Noob!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I still say sweaty pillowfights are better. :)

Anonymous said...

thanks for the tips. who knew pros tell people to hide behind my friend RYNOCERATER and when he gets killed to avenge him. lolololololol

Anonymous said...

im so sick of the stereotype that nerds dont get pussy, im a 46 in 3 things in halo 3 and i have a steady girlfriend and get pussy on the side, so bite by dick

Anonymous said...

whoah this weblog is great i like reading your articles.
Stay up the good work! You know, many persons are
looking round for this info, you can help them greatly.
Feel free to visit my web page Family vacation at Upper James Manor

Anonymous said...

My relatives always say that I am killing my time here at net, however
I know I am getting experience daily by reading such
fastidious posts.
My homepage : on site seo

Anonymous said...

hello!,I really like your writing very so much!
proportion we keep up a correspondence more about your article on AOL?
I require a specialist on this house to unravel my problem.
Maybe that is you! Having a look forward to peer you.

Here is my web site :: FDA approved diet and appetite suppressors in Miami

Anonymous said...

Hi there very nice blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb .
. I'll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally? I'm happy to search out a
lot of useful information here within the put up, we need work out more techniques in this
regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

Also visit my blog - resting metabolic rate calculator

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.

Look advanced to more added agreeable from you!
However, how can we communicate?

Stop by my web site ... sniper games online

Anonymous said...

I'm extremely impressed with your writing talents and also with the format for your blog. Is this a paid topic or did you modify it your self? Either way stay up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays..

My weblog; phil cardellas mugshot

Anonymous said...

Hi, I do believe your web site may be having internet
browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in I.

E., it's got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other than that, fantastic blog!

Also visit my website online shopping in india

Anonymous said...

whoah this weblog is great i really like studying your articles.
Stay up the great work! You already know, many persons
are looking round for this information, you could aid them greatly.


Also visit my weblog - facebook quotes
My web page: facebook quotes

Anonymous said...

When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is
added I get four emails with the same comment.
Is there any way you can remove me from that service?
Thanks!

My webpage; locksmith salt lake

Anonymous said...

Incredible points. Outstanding arguments. Keep up the good effort.


Look into my web-site; dnest CDL
my web page :: d'nest Condo

buy anastronat online said...

Manforce 100 mg is utilized to treat hypertension of conduits situated in the lungs and heart.it quiets the smooth muscles present in the mass of blood vessels and results in an expanded flow of blood to some specific spots in the body.